Saying no can be tough to do, especially if we need to say “no” to someone who doesn’t necessarily handle hearing the word “no” well. But boundaries are so important to set, especially when it comes to protecting and maintaining positive mental health. You matter, and your boundaries matter too!
From personal experience as a retired people pleaser, I can say with 100% certainty that learning how to comfortably and confidently say “no” to someone is a fantastic way to liberate yourself, build self-confidence, protect your boundaries, and learn to love yourself deeply, as you deserve.
Saying no can be tough, but here are 10 of my favorite tried and true ways for saying no comfortably and confidently without feeling guilty for it.
10 Ways To Feel More Confident Saying No To People graphic by ATSO
Here are 10 ways to feel more comfortable and confident saying no to people who may not react well to hearing “no”:
1. Remind yourself that it is okay and healthy to set boundaries.
I love boundaries graphic by ATSO
Setting boundaries is a healthy practice and a great form of self-love. You and your mental health matter, which is why it is important to set boundaries to not only protect yourself and your mental health, but to also protect your peace.
Learning to love boundaries and saying no can be a huge positive step forward in your mental health journey.
2. Saying no isn’t being mean, it is setting a boundary. Which is healthy!
It’s not mean to say no graphic by ATSO
Sometimes people will try to tell you that saying no or denying them is being mean. This is entirely not true, as saying no is part of your free will and right to exercise as a human being.
Saying no is a key part to setting boundaries for yourself, and boundaries are an important part of any relationship, no matter what anyone else says.
3. Practice saying no to the person while alone. If you need extra privacy, the shower is a great place to practice conversations.
Practice is progress graphic by ATSO
It can be helpful to practice saying no in advance, especially if the person you want to say “no” to is not exactly someone who handles hearing “no” well. In these cases, I recommend practicing saying no in advance. This can help you build up some more comfort and confidence with the idea of saying no before actually putting it into action.
Want extra privacy to practice? The shower is a great place to practice conversations.
4. Practice doing things you want to do because YOU want to do them.
‘You only live once so live your life today’ graphic designed by ATSO’s EA, Kenise Jackson
I’ve said it before and I will say it again at least a thousand more times: your wants and needs matter! You deserve happiness, and part of achieving happiness is doing things that make you happy and learning to prioritize your own needs. You are with yourself 24/7. You deserve to take good care of yourself.
It is not selfish to want to be happy.
5. Practice self-confidence exercises so you can stand up for yourself more.
Self confidence is like a muscle. The more you practice, the stronger you become. graphic by ATSO
Self-confidence can play a big factor in how we approach new coping skills for mental health and how we protect and maintain positive mental health as well. Practicing self-confidence can be especially helpful when communicating with people who may need to hear “no” a few times before it actually sinks in and they recognize the boundary.
6. If you can, remove the toxic person from your life, or at least parts of your life. Remember, toxicity spreads.
Remember, toxicity spreads graphic by ATSO
If time and time again you communicate your boundaries to someone and they continue to disrespect you and your boundaries, you have the right to remove them from parts or all of your life.
Your life is yours to live, and when living with mental health issues, it’s important to create a life that works best for your mental health. So if someone continuously proves themselves to have a negative impact on your mental health, you are definitely allowed to deny them access to you.
Being your friend and loved one is a gift, and the people you keep in your circle should be those who love, support, and root for you.
7. Know it’s not you. They are projecting their own negativity onto you.
‘Pay no attention to toxic words. What people say is often a reflection of themselves, not you.’ quote by Christian Baloga graphic by ATSO’s EA, Kenise Jackson
Sometimes people can feel so overwhelmed by their own life, situation, emotions, fears, and insecurities, that they let all of these negative feelings, fears, and insecurities spill over into other parts of their lives. Unfortunately, these can also spill over onto their loved ones. So remember that it’s not always you.
If someone is constantly negative, it’s probably because they feel overwhelmingly negative about themselves and don’t know how to process those emotions in a healthy way.
8. Ask yourself, would they feel guilty for saying no to you?
‘Before you say ‘yes’ ask yourself, would they feel guilty for saying ‘no’ to you?’ graphic by ATSO’s EA Kenise Jackson
If you find yourself agonizing over the idea of saying no to someone and start to feel super guilty for even considering saying no, ask yourself, ‘Would this person feel guilty for saying no to me?’.
If not, then you shouldn’t worry about it either. If they wouldn’t even debate saying no for a minute, you don’t need to spend hours, days, weeks, or months feeling guilty about expressing your boundaries and saying no.
9. Understand that sometimes people just want to be mad, no matter what else is going on. It really is not you.
You deserve to be treated with love and respect graphic by ATSO
I’ve learned that sometimes people just want to be mad. And when they just want to be mad, the best solution is to give them space to be mad. Again, not everyone is able to process their feelings and frustrations in a healthy way, and sometimes this means people inadvertently hurt others, including those they love.
This is another reason boundaries and saying no are important because space is a healthy part of every relationship. We are all works in progress, but no matter what, you deserve to be treated with love and respect.
10. At the end of the day, toxic people can’t really be pleased because they aren’t pleased with themselves. It’s easier for them to be mad at you than be mad at themselves.
Everyone is fighting their own battles graphic by ATSO
If someone is constantly acting toxic and ignoring your boundaries, it is most likely definitely not you. This person isn’t happy with themselves, and if they can’t acknowledge and process their own feelings, they often don’t think to consider and acknowledge others’ feelings.
Try to be understanding when you can, but also remember that you can be understanding and still say “no”. Because saying no is not mean, it is setting a healthy boundary. And that boundary can often be healthy for both parties!
Thank you so much for being here, reading this, and for existing! This world is a far better place with you in it, and your wants and needs matter.
Always yours,
Sara, ATSO
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