A good cry is a very healthy way to express and regulate our emotions, and it even releases endorphins and oxytocin (necessary and beloved happiness chemicals) as a bonus for our overall health.
However, a lot of us have a complicated relationship with crying. A lot of us struggle to cry and it can be for a wide variety of different reasons. From feeling like we don’t have the time, or not feeling comfortable enough to cry, feeling like we don’t deserve to cry, or feeling numb due to being stuck in survival mode, having trouble crying is a common human experience that is not talked about enough.
If you have or have had trouble crying, please know that you are not alone. You’re in good company, and it’s natural to have trouble expressing our emotions sometimes.
Feeling our feelings is healthy, and crying is part of that process. So if you need to cry but just can’t seem to, then you’re in the right place.
11 ways to have a good cry when you have trouble crying graphic by Sara, ATSO
One of the best ways to get a good cry going is to set the scene. This way your body and your mind will all feel comfortable, relaxed, and ready to cry. Try these 11 ways to have a good cry!
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1. Put on a movie, show, or album that tugs at your emotions and makes you sad.
Put on a movie or show you know will make you cry graphic by Kenise Jackson
I’m sure you have a certain movie, show, song, or album you like that makes you feel emotional and like you could cry. Putting an emotional, sad, or bittersweet movie, show, song, or album on can engage our auditory and visual senses, prepping two out of our five senses for a good cry. It can also help you feel more comfortable and less alone crying. Putting on something that relates to what you want to cry about also helps increase your chances of having a good cry.
2. Recite affirmations like “It’s okay and healthy for me to cry.”
Reminder, it is okay and healthy to cry.
Reciting affirmations like this can help us self-soothe and feel more comfortable and confident crying. This is also a helpful way to practice plasticity, which is the ability to realign our thinking patterns to more positive ones, creating better and healthier thinking patterns.
So if you’re used to the little voice in your head that says you can’t cry, try offsetting it with healing affirmations. My favorites for this are: “It’s okay and healthy for me to cry”, “I’m allowed to feel my feelings”, “Crying makes me stronger”, and “I’ll feel better after I let myself cry”. Feel free to say them to yourself as many times as you need to. Combining them with a self-hug also goes a long way.
3. Put on comfy black clothes so you feel relaxed, safe, and protected.
Photo via Pinterest.com
This one may seem silly, but it’s such a helpful mental health life hack. Being comfortable can help you feel more relaxed and able to better regulate and express your emotions. Combing comfy clothes can take it a step further. Black symbolizes protection, and since having a good cry involves being vulnerable and a lot of us understandably feel uncomfortable being vulnerable, wearing black can help us feel like we are protected and in control. Sure, it may be a bit of a placebo effect, but when it comes to mental health, symbols can go a long way.
4. Get a good sweat going first.
Photo of workout setup by Alexandra Tran via Unsplash.com
Getting a good sweat going makes crying easier, helps clear our head, can improve our mood, and relieves stress. It’s an all-around win, it even helps boost your immunity and clear your skin. You can get a good sweat by working out, taking a hot shower or bath, or spending time in the sauna or sunshine; whichever works best for you!
This is also a great option if you’ve been trying to cry and are now really frustrated because you can’t cry and now that frustration is blocking your ability to cry. When this happens to me, I like to get a sweat going with some HIIT exercises to get my frustration out and clear my head. Once I’ve done that, I feel much more in control of my emotions.
5. Stretch, especially your hips!
Photo of woman stretching by Alex Shaw via Unsplash.com
Stretching is a great way to release stress and tension from our bodies. We store a lot of our emotions in our bodies, especially if we haven’t been expressing them. Our hips hold a lot of emotions, and by stretching our hips we can help our bodies heal not only our current selves but also our past selves.
You might even be surprised at how easy it is to cry when stretching your hips. I once took a yoga class where we did about ten hip stretches in a row, and by the tenth, I burst into tears out of seemingly nowhere. It was super cathartic, but if you are like me and prefer crying alone if you can help it, then you may want to solo stretch at home.
6. Stare to get a few tears going.
Stare to get a few tears going graphic by Sara, ATSO
This is a great trick for when you’re right on the cusp of being able to cry and need that final little push to really get it going. Open your eyes wide and stare for as long as you comfortably can, and tears will come. There won’t be enough tears for a full cry, but if you’re already close to crying, this crying tip can be the key to a much-needed good cry.
7. Do something creative to express your emotions.
Image of woman painting tree and cliff by Jade Stephens via Unsplash
Doing something creative is a great way to feel your feelings if you absolutely cannot get a good cry going. Art and being creative are amazing ways to get in touch with and express our emotions. It can also be very calming and therapeutic. Sometimes being artistic and creative can also make us cry because art can move us deeply and help us feel less alone in our emotions.
You don’t have to be creative or good at art to reap the benefits of doing something artistic like painting, drawing, knitting, or singing.
8. Cuddle a pet, a loved one, or a cozy pillow or stuffed animal.
Photo of Sara’s cat, Kim, cuddling on the bed
Pets are amazing for our health, and having a pet to snuggle up with can help us feel calmer, regulate our emotions, and feel safe in expressing our emotions and crying. Hugging and cuddling a loved one is also very cathartic and can help us feel safe, which makes crying easier. You can also cuddle up with a comforting, soft pillow or stuffed animal, or wrap yourself up in some cozy blankets to feel safe, comfortable, and ready to feel your feelings and have a good cry.
9. Keep water and tissues on hand so you feel prepared to cry and stay hydrated.
Photo of drinking water by Brendan Church via Unsplash.com
Crying will dehydrate you, so it’s good to feel prepared and have some water on hand. Setting the scene with water and tissues can also help make you feel more comfortable crying. The tissues and water can serve as a visual reminder that you have prepared for and are waiting for this good cry to come, as these items, especially the tissues, are commonly associated with crying and comforting a crying person.
10. Eat some spicy food.
Photo of spicy red peppers by Ryan Quintal via Unsplash.com
My favorite spicy comfort food is mapo tofu (this is the delicious Sichuan bean paste I use), but there are so many amazing spicy options to choose from. The spicier it is, the more your eyes will water when eating it. Combine this with some of the other options on this list and you’re in for an amazing (and delicious) good cry.
11. Talk it out with a mental health professional.
Reach out to your or a mental healthcare provider so you can express your feelings with a professional graphic by Kenise Jackson
Talking with a professional about your mental health is one of the absolute best things you can do for yourself and your mental health. Therapy is such a useful tool for understanding ourselves better, feeling more confident progressing in our mental health journey, learning to express and regulate our emotions better, and helping us increase our overall emotional intelligence which improves our overall wellbeing.
Need help finding the right mental health resources and professionals for you? Visit our free ATSO Mental Health Resource Library to find the best fit for you!
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