Close relationships can feel very intimidating at first, but they can also be extremely rewarding. If you find yourself afraid of close relationships, these following 10 points can help you understand your fear of close relationships better, and help you feel more prepared for the close relationships in your life and in your future.
How to Not Be Afraid of Close Relationships graphic by Kenise, ATSO
This mental health blog post was requested by one of our ATSO followers, and we are always happy to deliver on requests for customized coping skills! We at ATSO believe in you and your mental health, and we are always rooting for you.
Close relationships can be extremely rewarding, so read on to learn how to feel more comfortable with and open to close relationships!
1. Ask yourself, what are you really afraid of? Which part of a close relationship scares you the most?
Ask yourself what you are really afraid of graphic by Kenise, ATSO
Sometimes it’s not the close relationship itself that scares us, but a result or part of the close relationship that specifically frightens us. Are you afraid of being vulnerable with someone? Are you afraid of someone knowing you on a deeper level? Or are you afraid of opening yourself up to someone who could potentially leave you?
Being afraid is a normal part of being human, but it does not need to stop us from opening ourselves up to happiness. Yes, the idea of being vulnerable and opening yourself up to a close relationship only to have that relationship end can be very scary, but it is worth the risk. Close relationships are some of the most rewarding and fulfilling human experiences we can have.
Sometimes we can feel scared because we know the potential for extreme happiness is right there, and unfortunately sometimes we can convince ourselves we don’t deserve this level of happiness. But you deserve all of the happiness in the world.
Our hearts are stronger than we give them credit for, and the heart is actually a muscular organ. So, even if your heart does end up breaking, please know that like all of your other muscles, if it breaks it will only end up coming back stronger.
2. Remember that it is okay and natural to be afraid. And it is by understanding our fears that we are able to overcome them.
Remember that is okay and natural to be afraid graphic by Kenise, ATSO
Fear is a completely normal part of the human experience. We all have fears, and our fears can change and evolve as we continue on through life. The key is to understand and sit with your fears, because if you do this, oftentimes you will be able to understand what your fear is really trying to tell you, and you will be better off for it. One of the most common reasons someone may be hesitant to open themselves up to a close relationship is because they believe they don’t deserve a healthy close relationship. Everyone deserves healthy close relationships, and if you find yourself avoiding them, this could be your fear trying to tell you that you need to work on allowing yourself to be happy, and practicing more self love. Loving yourself first can help you feel more confident and more capable of entering into close relationships with others.
3. It can be scary to open up, but it is scarier to be closed off forever. If it makes you happy, take the chance.
Photo of two women holding hands by Nini FromParis via Unsplash
It is always scary to open ourselves up to new experiences and new relationships, but trying something new is invigorating and a great way to grow as a person. It can be scary to open up, but it is scarier to remain closed off forever, and being closed off to opportunities for happiness will only bring you pain and regret.
One of the most exciting parts of life is that you can take chances and make your life whatever you want it to be. So take the chance, and know that future-you will thank you for it.
4. Remember that you deserve love from your close relationships. You can choose your companions.
Photo of couple of women in a field by Meg Aghamyan via Unsplash
You deserve love from all of your close relationships, no matter the form of the relationship. It is important to remain open to close relationships, but remember that you also have the power to end a relationship whenever you want to. If you are not being authentically loved and appreciated, and your boundaries are not being respected, then you should consider ending the relationship. Very few things are meant to last forever, and this can include relationships, especially since we grow and evolve as we continue on through life.
You can choose your companions, and being open to close relationships also means not allowing yourself to be mistreated in any of these close relationships. You will grow and learn from all of the close relationships you have, no matter how long they last.
5. Communicate with the people/person you want to build a close relationship with so that they know where you’re at and how to help make you comfortable.
Communicate with the people/person you want to build a relationship with graphic by Kenise, ATSO
I’m sure you’ve heard it before: communication is key to any relationship. This saying is so common because it’s so true! No matter what the relationship, it is always important to communicate and make sure you are on the same page. The idea of vulnerably communicating with another person could be another reason why you may be afraid of close relationships, and that fear is natural too. The more you practice open communication with others, the easier those conversations will become for you. Communicate your boundaries, your goals, your hopes, your wants, and even your fears. If it is a healthy relationship, this person will be honored that you feel comfortable enough to open up and communicate with them.
6. It is okay to take small steps. Try to focus on the happiness of the current moment.
It is okay to take small steps graphic by Kenise, ATSO
Small steps make up the big steps, and it is more than okay to take as many small steps as you want. Some of us prefer diving right in, some of us prefer taking small steps, and some of us prefer a combo of the two. The important thing is to do whatever makes you comfortable while still allowing yourself to grow outside of your comfort zone.
Close relationships can be intimidating, so make sure to congratulate yourself on all of the small steps you take toward happiness and being open to close relationships. Celebrating the small victories and the happiness of the moment is a fantastic way to build your confidence in close relationships, and help you feel more prepared for future close relationships.
7. Know that not all relationships are meant to last. And that’s okay. It’s part of being human, loving, and growing.
Know that not all relationships are meant to last graphic by Kenise, ATSO
Not all relationships are meant to last, and some relationships come into our lives for only a season. There is also a wide variety of the different types of close relationships we can have. As we grow as humans, some of these relationships will grow with us, and some of them will grow in different directions. It can be sad to see a close relationship come to an end, but it is part of being human, and just because a close relationship ends doesn’t mean it wasn’t special and doesn’t mean that you can’t still have good memories from this relationship.
8. Check in on your relationships and how they make you feel. Your energy is precious, and your relationships should be mutually beneficial. You get to decide who can stay and who should go.
Check in on your relationships and how they make you feel graphic by Kenise, ATSO
It is a good and healthy idea to routinely check in with yourself to see how the various close relationships in your life make you feel. Does this relationship make you happy? Do you feel respected? Does the relationship feel fulfilling? Is there enough communication? All of these questions are important to ask yourself every now and then, especially since our wants and needs can evolve as we grow and continue on through life.
Your energy is precious, your relationships should be mutually beneficial, and if a certain relationship no longer seems to be the best for you and/or both of you, then this can be a sign this relationship has run its course. Again, it is always important to communicate this with the other person, as sometimes these feelings can result from a misunderstanding.
9. Try watching more shows and/or movies with positive close relationships you admire to remind you of all the good, loving, and positive things about close relationships.
Try watching more shows and/or movies with positive relationships graphic by Kenise, ATSO
Not all of us are fortunate enough to see real-life examples of healthy close relationships, and if we don’t have these examples to look up to, it can be tough distinguishing between a close relationship and a healthy close relationship. If this is the case for you, try watching more shows and/or movies with positive close relationships you admire. More of a reader or music listener? Then try reading more books and listening to more music depicting healthy close relationships. This can help you understand better what a healthy close relationship looks and feels like, and what kind of close relationships you want in your life.
10. Practice self-love. From personal experience, the best salve for a broken heart is self-love. Loving yourself makes you strong.
Practice self-love graphic by Kenise, ATSO
We have to learn to be comfortable being with and loving ourself if we want to create a happier future for ourselves. As someone who struggled with self-love and couldn’t even say that I loved myself until later in college, I understand how elusive the idea of self-love can be. It took me a long time to realize this, but developing self-love is just like developing any other muscle. It will feel really awkward at first and you won’t be that good at it, but the more you try, the better at self-love you will become. You are an amazing person, and you deserve to love yourself. And when you love yourself, all of your close relationships will be better off. You will be able to feel more secure in your close relationships, even if they end, because at the end of the day you will still have yourself and your self-love.
Thank you for reading, and here’s to welcoming healthy close relationships!
Always yours,
Sara, ATSO
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