Instead of self harm, try these 14 more positive and safer alternatives that can provide you with help, reprieve, and alleviation of pain.
As always, I encourage therapy for all, and the ATSO home and About page have more information about this, plus resources and connections to mental health charities and hotlines.
But the reality is that not everyone can afford therapy, and not everyone is in a place currently where they feel comfortable going to therapy.
When it comes to the urge for self harm, there is typically a desire to either: a) punish yourself, or, b) feel something by connecting through pain. The urge can be strong, and we are all human, so I want to spread awareness about more positive and safer alternatives to turn to in these moments.
So, for additional support, below you will find my 14 favorite, more positive, and safer alternatives to self harm.
Self harm is never a good option, so these ideas are designed to be more productive, more encouraging, and (if you need it) pain in a regulated plus safe way (i.e. stretching, piercings).
You matter, your safety matters, and you are needed and wanted on this planet.
When we feel, or at least when I feel, the desire for self harm, it is because I want to either punish myself or connect to my surroundings. However, you can still satisfy these feelings without self harm by using safer alternatives.
There are many more positive ways to connect with your body. Plus, in those moments when you feel like punishing yourself, please remind yourself that those are your mean thoughts talking. They do not have your best interest in mind.
You are an amazing person. You are worthy of love and happiness.
So I hope these following methods help, and as always, please remember that asking for help is a healthy and strong thing to do.
Looking for specific mental health resources? Visit our free Mental Health Resource Library!
Enjoy my 14 favorite more positive and safer alternatives to self-harm, because you always deserve self-love:
Disclosure: ATSO is a participant in affiliate advertising programs that help us fund our mental health advocacy mission. Some of the links below are affiliate links. This means that, at zero cost to you, we will earn a commission on purchases made using our link. Thank you!
1. Stretching.
Photo of woman stretching by Alex Shaw via Unsplash.com
Stretching is a great way to not only release muscle tension in your body and improve flexibility but also reconnect to your surroundings. You can practice breathing exercises, and there are always more difficult stretches to try if you feel the need for some pain.
Stretching is a much safer and more positive alternative to self-harm because it can actually be productive plus good for your mental and physical health. Just make sure to do a light warm-up before stretching!
If you feel more comfortable stretching on your own, I recommend investing in a small workout mat and yoga block.
2. Intense workout (HIIT).
Photo of workout setup by Alexandra Tran via Unsplash.com
HIIT is a great way to get your heart pumping in a short period of time and is a great way to push your body physically. This way, you can get gains with your pain.
A jump rope is very useful to have for HIIT workouts and is easy to store in small spaces. If you are looking for a HIIT workout that works best for you, many fitness instructors have YouTube channels and videos on social media you can reference. Need better workout gear? Our partner SheFIT makes sports bras from cup sizes A – I that let you personalize your fit and level of support for your most empowering sports bra yet!
3. Charity work (pick up some trash or donate to Feeding America to provide meals for others in need).
Photo of food bank exchange by Joel Muniz via Unsplash.com
Charity work is a wonderful way to give back to the community. By helping others, we are able to connect more with our fellow humans, feel better knowing that we are helping others, and provide some perspective on our current situation.
Charity work and donations are also great coping mechanisms for anxiety since they are actions dedicated to making the world a better place.
4. Get a piercing.
Photo of piercings on the ear by Kimia Zarifi via Unsplash.com
Piercings are great because you can get multiple (or a constellation of) piercings at a time, and if you decide you do not like a piercing, the skin can typically grow back.
I’ve had 13 piercings, and my best piercing experiences have been at tattoo shops where they also do piercings. Make sure to find a place near you that is professional, well-reviewed, and one that makes you feel comfortable.
5. Get a tattoo (or a tattoo removal).
Photo of tattoo session by Kristian Angelo via Unsplash.com
Make sure to find a well-reviewed and professional tattoo artist near you for the best results, and choose something that really speaks to you.
Tattoos can be especially helpful for those who wish to cover up their prior self-harm scars with a more positive image or phrase that encourages them to stay safe and alive.
You are a work of art. And it is completely fine if you prefer tattoos to help remind you of that.
6. Take a very hot or very cold shower or bath.
Photo of bathtub by Jared Rice via Unsplash.com
This is a great way to provide a quick shock to your system and reconnect you to your body. You can choose whether you do a hot or cold shower or bath depending on your preference. I typically like to start with hot water and finish with cold water.
As an added bonus, hot water can help to relieve muscle tension and cold water can help wake you up and make you more alert.
7. Have yourself a really good ugly cry. Try a reliable cry movie.
Photo of a projector by Alex Litvin via Unsplash.com
Sometimes I feel overburdened, and I want to cry, but I may not necessarily feel comfortable crying at the moment. Or perhaps I want a lighter cry but don’t have time to get into a full crying session and really go deep into my feelings at the moment.
In these moments, I like to watch a movie that I know is guaranteed to make me cry. Whether it be a sweet rom-com, drama, action, or general feel-good movie, this is a method that helps me feel more comfortable expressing my feelings.
8. Put on some comfy pajamas and take a nap.
Photo of cat napping in bed by Paul Hanaoka via Unsplash.com
It takes a lot of energy to not only deal with the physical and mental requirements of the day, but when you add on dealing with mental health issues and balancing emotions, it can become a lot easier to tire out.
Taking or building naps into your schedule is always a good idea. Additionally, taking a nap can feel like hitting the refresh button, and bed is one of the safest places to be.
9. Floss, face mask, hair mask, and full skincare/lotion routine.
Photo of a small spa setup by Camille Brodard via Unsplash.com
Treat yourself to a whole self-care routine! Floss (which can hurt depending on how often you floss), do a face mask, hair mask, and full skincare, lotion, and/or exfoliation routine. Investing time and love into your body will help you to protect it from self-harm.
Additionally, a full teeth, face, hair, and skincare routine can tire you out, and then you may be in the mood for a nap or a relaxing TV show. In my experience, I have found the self-harm urges to come in waves, and sometimes it really is about outlasting the waves.
10. Do a chore or task you hate and generally dread.
Photo of ‘To do’ reminder by Eden Constantino via Unsplash.com
This is a great method to try when you feel like punishing yourself, but also have a lot on your plate and it feels overwhelming. We all have specific chores and tasks we personally despise. For instance, snaking the drains and deep-cleaning bathrooms are some of my least favorite chores.
But by doing something I hate when I hate myself, I am able to accomplish the task because in the moment I feel more comfortable and motivated in the discomfort.
The dopamine rush from completing the most intimidating task is also a great way to reconnect with your surroundings and feel reinvigorated!
11. Practice grounding.
Graphic of the 5 4 3 2 1 grounding technique by ATSO made with Canva
There are many different styles of grounding, but what matters most is what style of grounding works best for you. Grounding can help to calm your mind, lower your heart rate to a more peaceful pace, and connect with your surroundings.
Calmware makes our absolute favorite grounding tools! Their tools (handmade mugs, keychains, and desk tiles) use psychology-backed techniques to activate the body’s parasympathetic nervous center, AKA our relaxation system for maximum relief.
If you find grounding to be a very useful technique, then I also recommend looking more into meditating, which has helped many feel more in touch with themselves and their surroundings.
12. Punch and throw pillows (yes, throw throw pillows).
Photo of throw pillows and books by Calvin Hanson via Unsplash.com
It is always better to punch and throw a pillow than to punch and beat up yourself. It is healthy to get out feelings of frustration and anger in safe ways. Your feelings are meant to be felt, and they are meant to pass through you.
If pillows aren’t your style, try writing down what you are currently frustrated about on paper and then rip it up into many tiny pieces.
13. Draw on yourself (markers, pens, and paint are best).
Photo of colorful astronaut drawing by Zhu Liang via Unsplash.com
Doodling on your skin is a great way to turn your pain into art that is on your body, makes you happy, and is easy to wash off.
Have a favorite mantra or motivational quote? Write it down on your arm, or the inside of your wrist, to give you an extra boost in those moments when you may be feeling extra low and depressed.
14. Eat some SUPER spicy food.
Photo of spicy red peppers by Ryan Quintal via Unsplash.com
I personally love that sweet burn of spicy food, and we have an entire shelf in our fridge dedicated to hot sauces alone. Eating spicy food can hurt, but spicy food is very good for you and is a much safer alternative to self-harm than more traditional methods.
Some of my favorite spicy foods are mapo tofu, kimchi soup, ramen, and eggs with hot sauce. I’ve even just had spoonfuls of hot sauce before.
I hope you enjoy these methods, and that they provide you with the relief and satisfaction you are looking for.
Stay safe, my friends.
Always yours,
Sara, ATSO
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