TW: murder, loss, suicide
If you or anyone you know needs postpartum support and resources, Postpartum Support International (PSI) and The Postpartum Stress Center can provide help. On Instagram, @postpartumtips can also be helpful!
Tragedy has struck again. My heart stopped when I first came across the news from Duxbury, Massachusetts, a small, happy summer town in my home state. Scrolling for serotonin, I instead found a post from a local account detailing how this past week, a young, loving family with three precious children was devastated by the negative effects of neglected mental health. The three children died of their injuries, and the mother, currently charged with strangling her children, was treated for her injuries from her attempted suicide at the scene.
The post I came across shared the bereft father’s message to the public. In his letter, the father thanks everyone for their outpour of support, and shares some of his favorite memories of his children.
Only In Boston Instagram post
Where most would show hate, he instead asks for forgiveness for his wife, who is suffering from deteriorating mental health. He goes on to describe how caring and filled with light his wife really is when she is mentally herself. From reading his words detailing what was his family’s happy routine before the tragedy and seeing the pictures and accounts of their children, it is clear that this was a family full of love.
It would be easier to blame the mother and call this a single, unimaginable, terrible event. But unfortunately, this is not a single, unimaginable event. In a world where discussions surrounding mental health are brushed aside and ignored for the sake of ‘politeness’, the conversations, studies, and research needed to prevent this type of tragedy are simply not happening.
Postpartum depression, psychosis, and mental health in general are real conditions that have been around ever since people have been aware of their own thoughts. Where we now have the tendency to call them “unthinkable tragedies”, before, our ancestors would conjure up folklore and myths, like La Llorona, to explain what we can now recognize as the effects of neglected mental health.
La llorona by CamusAltamirano on DeviantArt
La Llorona is one of the more well known figures from folklore that relates to mothers killing their children. The Mexican legend comes in many retellings, but the most common is that La Llorona, or the weeping woman, is the ghost of a woman who, in a fit of rage, murdered her children. Upon realizing what she had done, the mother, overwhelmed with grief, drowned herself, becoming La Llorona. As a ghost, La Llorona wanders the night, crying and searching for her children, murdering those she confuses as her own.
The story of La Llorona goes back to the early 1500s, and while it is a chilling ghost story, the 500 year-old tale has a more important message to give. All myths start somewhere, and most myths were created to explain trauma surrounding death. The story of La Llorona tells us that postpartum depression, psychosis, and the severe negative effects of neglected mental health have long been an issue. So, for a catastrophe type that has been occurring for over 500 years according to La Llorona, why are we so behind in providing mental health resources and support for those in need, such as mothers with postpartum depression and psychosis?
Ghost stories have been around for as long as humans have gathered around the fire. But mental health has only very recently begun to be more openly discussed in our society. While the stigma surrounding mental health is lessening somewhat, it is still very much present in our day-to-day life. Heartbreaking stories like what happened to the family in Duxbury remind us that we as a society need to do more to normalize the discussion around mental health. When we do this, more people struggling with mental health can be helped, more research can be conducted, and more lives can be saved.
Normalizing mental health saves lives by ATSO
While the mother committed the actions, this is not the mother’s fault. If we lived in a world where discussions around mental health were encouraged, mental health resources were more openly available to all, and mental health research was well-funded, then the Duxbury case could have been prevented. The love-filled family could still be together, happier and healthier than ever. But we don’t live in that world yet. And while a mother’s love is one of the strongest forces out there, it is not fair to shift our society’s responsibilities onto an individual, and then blame them when it all goes horribly wrong.
Instead of pessimistically accepting that we currently live in a world that limits and stigmatizes mental health resources, let us take a stand, take accountability, and remember that we have the power to shape a better and healthier tomorrow. When we all do our part to be more open about mental health and support legislature, research, and initiatives that strive for a more mentally healthy tomorrow, we make real progress. And we can save future families.
It is important to note that both women and men can suffer from postpartum depression and psychosis. 1 in 7 Moms and 1 in 10 Dads suffer from postpartum depression. We need to make more space for mental health conversations so people can receive the mental health help they need.
My heart goes out to the Duxbury family, as it does to all the families who have been hurt by neglected mental health. ATSO promises to always work toward a more understanding tomorrow, and more mental health resources for all. So that more families can stay whole, and more lives can be saved. Let us do better, together.
You are loved, you are wanted, and you are a wonderful human being, flaws and all. I am so thankful you exist, and if you need help finding more customized resources, please let me know as we are happy to help.
Always yours,
Sara, ATSO
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