Knowing how to control your emotions is especially helpful when you find yourself in situations where you may need to maintain more composure. This list of customized coping skills was requested by one of our subscribers!
how to control yourself when your emotions feel ready to explode graphic by Kenise, ATSO
Here are 10 of my favorite ways to control emotions in a healthy way so that you don’t feel ready to explode.
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1. Go to (or schedule a time to go to) a place where you can express yourself.
Image of woman painting tree and cliff by Jade Stephens via Unsplash
Expressing ourselves, whether it be through art, writing, reading, music, or athletic activities is a super helpful tool when it comes to not only controlling emotions but also releasing built-up emotions and working through the deeper reasons behind these emotions.
If you find your emotions have been getting the best of you lately, take this as a sign to schedule some time to express yourself. This way, your emotions can flow through you as you recognize them and gain relief from the release of emotions.
2. Breathe out through your mouth, and in through your nose.
Breathe out through your mouth and in through your nose graphic by Kenise, ATSO
This is a great way to calm yourself and your nervous system down, which will help you control your emotions. My favorite technique for this is the box breathing method. Picture that with each breath you are drawing a side for the outline of a box, and count to 5 for each inhale and exhale. This is a great technique to use if you need to control your emotions on the go in a subtle way.
Calmware makes our absolute self-care tools for guided breathing! Their tools (handmade mugs, keychains, and desk tiles) use psychology-backed techniques to activate the body’s parasympathetic nervous center, AKA our relaxation system for maximum relief.
3. Count 5-10 seconds before responding to avoid saying something you’ll regret.
Count 5-10 seconds before responding to avoid saying something you’ll regret graphic by Kenise, ATSO
It is easy to lash out when we are in pain, but we normally regret what we said in anger when we can feel more calm and reflect on our actions. To prevent this, if you notice yourself getting worked up and feel like you might say something you regret, count 5 to 10 seconds before responding. This will give you time to think out what you want to say, calm down the conversation, and help you regain control of your emotions.
4. If you want to throw something, a fluffy pillow is your best friend. Aim for a large area of blank wall space, preferably clear from the floor to the ceiling.
If you want to throw something, a fluffy pillow is your best friend graphic by Kenise, ATSO
Pillows are great for comfort, but they can also be excellent for anger. Punching pillows can be helpful, but throwing pillows at a blank space or wall can feel less violent, plus you don’t have to worry about hurting your hands or breaking anything.
Any pillow will do, and the action of throwing it will help you release bottled emotions building up inside of you. Just make sure you don’t throw the pillow at anything that can easily break.
5. Need a good cry but can’t cry? Put on a movie or show you know will make you cry. Keep a glass of water on hand to hydrate.
Put on a movie or show you know will make you cry graphic by Kenise, ATSO
I personally struggle with crying when I want to or know I need to, and I know I am not alone in this. An ultimate mental health life hack I have learned for these situations is to put on a movie or show that I know will make me cry. Then, when I am already crying, I think about what is going on in my life that makes me want to cry, and I am able to cry more fully and release those emotions. Keep some water on hand to stay hydrated so you can really get a good cry session going!
This also works for other emotions, such as when you realize in hindsight that you had the right to be mad about something or how someone treated you, but you want some validation and space to feel this anger. Watching a show or movie with a similar plot line to what we are going through can really provide comfort when it comes to validating our experiences.
6. Remove yourself from the situation and go somewhere you can decompress, even if it’s only the bathroom.
Image of woman sitting and calming down by Joice Kelly via Unsplash
We are all human, we all have emotions, and all emotions can be messy. There is no shame in this, and it is completely okay and healthy to take time for yourself and your emotions when you need to. Even if you are in a social setting, feel free to excuse yourself to the bathroom or another room for some private time to control and process your emotions.
If the situation you are in continuously wreaks havoc on your emotions, then please know that it is okay, understandable, and good for your personal mental health and boundaries to not make yourself stay in these situations.
7. Allow more creative time for yourself in your weekly schedule. Whether it be exercise or arts-related, this will give you more space to express yourself and your emotions consistently.
Photo of boy in garden by Filip Urban via Unsplash
Having regularly scheduled times to take care of and express yourself can do wonders for your mental and overall health. Scheduling this time creates a consistent framework of self-care in your life that you can rely on to help you and your mental health. This is especially helpful if you are someone who likes routine or if you are someone who will forget to take time for yourself otherwise.
Not a big consistent schedule person? That’s okay! Aim for a certain number of times a week you will take time for yourself instead to make your schedule more adaptable and flexible.
8. Reach out to your or a mental healthcare provider so you can express your feelings with a professional.
Reach out to your or a mental healthcare provider so you can express your feelings with a professional graphic by Kenise, ATSO
When in doubt, it is always a good idea to speak to a professional. A mental health care provider can help you work through your emotions, and their causes, and understand yourself better. Seeing a professional mental health care provider is one of the best things you can do for your mental health.
Our About page connects you to many great search sites for mental health care providers in your area who meet your specific needs. I also provide one-on-one mental health guidance and support sessions where I connect you with customized resources, support, coping skills, and plans to help you reach your mental health goals. I am not yet a certified mental health professional, but have a lifetime of experience, am passionate about helping others, and currently pursuing my master’s degree in psychology.
9. Identify your triggers to understand yourself better. What is most likely to set you off?
Identify your triggers to understand yourself better graphic by Kenise, ATSO
Knowing what your triggers are can help you prepare ahead of time for stressful situations. This way, you can limit your exposure to these triggers, and if you know a trigger is coming up, you can schedule some extra mental health care around this time. This will help you feel more prepared for these stressful situations and more in control of yourself and your emotions.
10. Practice mindful meditation more frequently to help you feel more at peace and in control of yourself.
Practice mindful meditation more frequently graphic by Kenise, ATSO
Meditation has long been a very useful practice for mindfulness and processing your emotions. Building in time to meditate on your schedule, even if only for a few minutes at a time, can help you regulate and feel more in touch with your emotions. The more in touch with your emotions you are, the better you will become at controlling and managing them.
If you are looking for guided meditations, many great ones can be found on YouTube or via apps you can download.
If you’re looking for more guided help to regulate your emotions and heal our friend, Coach Ashley, offers a Nervous System Regulation and Healing MasterClass to help you develop the necessary tools to manage stress and avoid burnout. Use our code ‘NOBURNOUT’ at checkout and we get 15% towards our ATSO mission!
Thank you for reading, and please know that we at ATSO are always here for you and believe in you!
Always yours,
Sara, ATSO
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